Quitting is for winners

Yesterday I took the plunge and spoke to my employer about ending my career with them. As I tell my family and friends, the most common response I get is “Wow.. Why?” My problem with that question is that I can’t really answer it in a way that they understand.

For a while now, I have been feeling as if I have reached a plateau with my current job. I have now slipped into a comfort zone where I know I’m getting a paycheck, and I don’t need to work all that hard to get my job done. Since my salary is already a fair bit higher than most of the people I know my age, a lot of them tend to wonder why I would give all that up with no other job to move on to.

My response is that I do not WANT to get comfortable. I am 23. I have a LOT to learn, and now is NOT the time to sit back and relax. While you’re young, it is imperative to take in the world and learn as much as you can, not only about the world, but also about who you are as a person.

While all this is going on in my head, I happened to upon James Archer’s Website where he had a rather insightful entry about Entrepreneurialism. He quotes from Ralph Waldo Emerson’s essay ”Self-Reliance” and in doing so, speak very truthfully about how I am currently feeling in life.

I recommend you pop over and give the essay a read. It may shed some light on your life, but if not, at least it will definitely help you understand my life.

With that in mind, I introduce to you Illanti, which is my development company. It is time to kick start my education, and launch myself back into the Free(lance)-world. For better or for worse, self-reliace is more important to me right now than comfort and complacency.

A few days ago, as I was suffering from a high fever and a huge headache, I was lying in bed preparing (mentally) for my trip back home. I was still debating whether I was making the right decision by going back to Canada, or if I should accept the offer to stay for another 8 months.

As I was flipping through the paper, I came across the weather page and next to the forcasts, it had a big heading that read:

You’d rather be in…Vancouver, Canada.

Above it, there was a picture of 3 people splashing in the waters of Spanish Banks. At that point, I decided that the paper was right. As beautiful and exciting as melbourne is, there is something incredible about Vancouver that just makes me love it. It is most definitly one of the greatest places to live in the world, and it was time to go home.

I love Vancouver. On that note, I don’t mean to downplay melbourne. Of all the cities I’ve travelled to, Melbourne is most definitly one of the nicest, and probably the only other city that I would consider living in at this point in time.

Well, apparently Caffeine is bad for ya. Who would have thought. :P

I spent the weekend pucking my guts out and with a massive, pounding headache. I’m not positive, but I’m willing to bet Caffeine had a large part in me being that way… well, apart from my stupidity.

I went out on thursday night, after having a red bull, and had about 7 Jaggermeister & Red Bulls (Half a can each), then went back to the office after the club, and had another red bull. A few hours later (morning) I had a ‘lift up’ or something (basically a red bull), and then over the course of the day I had 3 more Red Bulls.. or Vs. So, in a 24 hour period, I drank about 10 cans of Red Bull. According to the label, the maximum daily intake is 2 cans. Apparently I failed to notice that. :|

So, anyway, at about midnight that night (still at work) I run to the kitchen and begin to vomit. I continue for, oh, 9 hours.. with breaks to pass out from dehydration and exhaustion.

Basically, to make a long story short, it was one of the worst nights I have had in a long time. To top it off, the caffeine withdrawl is supposed to last 4 - 6 days. So, I still have a headache, and it’s 4 days later. :|

I think I’m going to lay off the caffeine for a bit. I really miss the healthy kick i was on in Vancouver. :( It’s really not as easy here. I’m always too busy working, and I’m not setup like I am in Van. I eat out literally 7 days a week, and it’s hard to find good, nutritious food near my office. (No subway. :P ) I don’t have an oven, and I have a stove but nothing to cook with. I’m supposed to supply my own, but I’m only here for two months (Am I?), so why would I go out and buy all that crap that I already have in Van? Being healthy was fun. Really. I liked it a lot. :$

Speaking of which (not really), I need to install MSN icons into this journal. heck, everything should have MSN icons in it. I use them all the time, and it bugs me when they don’t work. Wow. I’m a geek.

Well, I’ve been here almost 2 weeks now. I LOVE IT HERE! I’m seriously thinking I should accept the offer to stay here for a YEAR!! :D

Umm.. on that note. I haven’t really gone out much. I’ve been working from 9am to midnight almost every day of the week since I got here. I have some pretty serious deadlines to hit, so it’s intense. I should be able to relax in the beginning of May though. :) I’ve only gone out a few times since I arrived. The first was to the Glennferrie Hotel, or something. It was like a cross between the blarney stone and the Roxy. Weird combination I know, but seriously. Next was a strip club called the Mens Gallery. It wasn’t all that great, but it was different than strip clubs in Van. Girls were walking around naked everywhere chatting to guys and then some were dancing on tables. It wasn’t as structured as the ones in Canada.

I also checked out Crown, an entertainment complex in Melbourne. It has a Casino, Nightclubs, Restaurants, Stores, etc. It’s like a massive shopping mall, but better. We hit up heat nightclub for their $2 highball night. It was an R&B night and it reminded me of a smaller Atlantis. Not bad.

Last night, I went to a club called Element. No, sorry.. called Saratoga.. but I SWEAR it’s Element. Same kind of music, same kind of people, same feel, same look and the same stairwell entrance. Nice place… got really drunk. Oops. I’m hungover today.

Oh, did I mention that Melbourne reminds me a lot of Vancouver? I don’t really feel like I’ve gone anywhere. Just the people have accents and it’s a bit warmer.

As for my life, I’ve been put up in a cute apartment in downtown Melbourne. Pretty basic, but it has most things I need, and the location is pretty sweet. I’m catching the tram to work every morning, which is like a slow bus that is strapped to a rail. Oh! The cell phone networks here are nuts. I love it! Everyone SMS’ each other. No one in Van uses SMS, but it’s totally sweet. I have a little Nokia phone to play with. :D Cell phones are stupid expensive down here though.

The girls are pretty hot. There are a lot of THIN girls who are totally sexy, which is nice. I haven’t really talked to many girls though because I’ve been working so much, and when I have met them I was too drunk to remember it. :|

I bought a video camera, so I’ll be putting up short movies of my adventure if I ever find the time to piece them together. :P

Oh! The concert I’m throwing on the 26th is coming together nicely. It’s really weird to not be there and have control over it, but i’m crossing my fingers that the people I’ve put in place are doing it right. You can get more information on it here:

http://www.postparadise.com/concert/

Umm.. Losing weight: Good. Losing Sleep: Normal. Losing Sanity: Bad.

I’m in love… but that’s a different story all together.

Oh. Everything is deep fried here. And they have funny words for things. I’m learning.

Bye for now,

Jer

I’m sitting in Narita Tokyo Airport right now at one of the Yahoo! Free Internet Cafes. It’s a really sweet setup. 

Anyway, yeah. I’m in Tokyo. In case you weren’t aware, I’m heading to Australia for two months. I left Vancouver this morning, and I have a 6 hour stopover in Tokyo before heading to Sydney. 

This whole trip was kind of short notice. I found out on tuesday that I was going to be heading to Australia today. I mean, I didn’t HAVE to leave today, but I got a sweet deal on a ticket which makes it a great time to visit Australia. After the last month of work I put in, I need a vacation anyway.

I’ll be staying in Melbourne for the better part of my trip, and most likely partying with Robert and the boys from CVEG AU. It should be a good time. They sound like great people to party with.. and hell, it’s Australia. I just have to remember to stay away from the Canals and I’ll be fine. :s 

If you wanna get ahold of me, drop me an e-mail by clicking the link on the menu bar. i will be checking my e-mail daily, and I’ll be sure to get back to you. 

I don’t get to spend too much time in Tokyo this time, but on my return flight I spend a night in Tokyo city, so that should be interesting. 

I’ll update you more as I go. Keep in touch.

Cheers, 
Jeremy 

This is a post that I wrote a while back to one of the Clubvibes members that was having problems with low self esteem. I thought I would post it here for y’all to read.

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I used to have the same problem. I was insecure about my looks and body, but no matter how often I was told I was cute, I just couldn’t get over it.

I don’t know exactly how I did get over it, but here are 10 tips off of the top of my head that may be helpful.

1. Focus on your strong points.

If you like something about yourself, give that area more attention than the others. For example; I love my eyes, so when I look in the mirror, I look directly into my eyes first, then I do a comb over of the rest of my body before returning to my eyes. If you like your tummy, then do the same. Try making a mental list of the things you like about your body, no matter how small or insignificant they may be. Then focus on these things, the rest is just insignificant. If you can learn to like yourself for your strong points, then others will find it much easier to do so as well.

2. Do things that you can be proud of.

Accomplish goals, help people feel better about themselves, get good marks on a test. Any of these things will allow you to be more confident about your abilities. If you are sure of yourself, then you will find it much easier to believe that you are attractive. Try making a list of things that you want to get done, and then DO THEM. This will make you feel like you are able to handle things well, and thus creates self-esteem.

3. Don’t look for compliments until you are confident.

When you think you are ugly, and someone tells you different, how often do you change your point of view? My bet is on almost never. If you feel like you have done something well, and someone agrees with you by complimenting you on it, then your feelings were justified. However, if you think that you totally screwed something up, and someone compliments you on it, you will just blow it off as someone trying to be nice. When people believe something they look for examples that make their beliefs true. If you get something that invalidates your beliefs, then you just blow it off. Compliments will do no good until you are confident enough to believe them.

4. Respect yourself.

It’s true. People respect those who respect themselves. Don’t give other people a reason to laugh at you by starting the laughter. If you make fun of yourself, other people will follow suit. If you think you’re ugly, other people will think you’re ugly.

5. Smile!

It’s amazing what a simple smile can do to improve someone’s appearance. When you look at yourself in the mirror, don’t frown. By frowning you are automatically putting a depressing tone on the act. If you look at yourself while depressed, you will see nothing but faults. Try smiling when you look at yourself. The good parts of your body will out shine the bad, and your confidence will come through in the image. Remember the saying “Smile and the whole world smiles with you, frown and you frown alone.” As cheesy as it is, it’s somewhat true. If you look happy when speaking to people, they will remember you in a much better light. Just don’t over do it ;)

6. Do things that make you feel attractive.

Go for a run, go workout, get some exercise, or get a manicure. Whatever it takes to make yourself think you are better looking, do it. Even if it doesn’t really make you look any better, as long as it makes you THINK you are better looking it will work to build your self-esteem. Remember, self-esteem means nothing more than how YOU see yourself. It is all in your head.

7. Learn to laugh at yourself.

Lighten up. Things are never as bad as you think they are. Everyone is his or her own worst critic. You will see faults in yourself that other people may never see. There is no need to worry about these things.

8. Be yourself.

Define your own personal style. Take things that you find attractive, and modify them to suit yourself. Different can be beautiful, and as long as you know who you are, you will be able to control your own image for the best. Don’t sit around trying to figure out why you don’t look like Angelina Jolie. She is unique, and that is one of the things that makes her attractive. Yourself will always be the best person you can be. Once you are comfortable with whom you are you will gain confidence.

9. Find the things that you don’t like, and make a plan to change them.

I didn’t like a few things about my personality, so I took steps to change them. I talked to a few people and I got input and suggestions about what I should change and how I should change them. Once you make a few minor changes in your personality, you will realize that you can create your own image with ease.

10. Examine your own actions.

Why do you like the people you do. Is your boyfriend or girlfriend a model? I doubt it. Yet you are still with them. Realizing that everyone has different tastes is a big step in gaining self-esteem. There is always someone out there who is going to like you for who you are, no matter what you’re like. There are many other things that you should be paying attention to. Your body is only one part of a whole. People will like you for your strong points, and the ones who do, will probably ignore your faults, or help you correct them.

Remember, self-esteem means nothing more than how YOU see yourself. It is all in your head. You can have an ugly person with great self-esteem, just as you can have a beautiful person with poor self-esteem.

On Sunday we decided we needed a break from reality, so a bunch of the boys and I headed down to tsawwassen for a few hours of Paintball.

 

We suited up and headed out into the combat zone; each of us armed with a semi-automatic paintball gun and a few hundred “bullets,” which was supposed to give us a chance in hell against the rest of the people who’d been playing for YEARS. Riiiiight. :/ 

We got split up into 4 teams and headed off to battle. If you’ve never played paintball before, I highly recommend you try it. It’s such a rush to run through bushes trying to dodge the barrage of bullets that are headed directly for you. Even if you’re not the sporty type, you can get a kick out of paintball. Just perk yourself up on a hill and play “sniper” with the sitting ducks below. It’s GREAT. 

Anyway, 8 members of my team were positioned in the swamp area and we were about to attack another team. We had a flank on the left, one on the right and a runner in the middle. I was sniper from behind, but someone 3 of my other team-mates ended up right next to me. All of a sudden, out of the blue, I get shot in the ass 4 times and I turn around to see someone from another team behind us. NO ONE WAS WATCHING THE REAR!! He killed myself and 3 other team mates before being absolutly ripped apart by the other 4 guys. 

Anyway, thanks to him I was left with a memory of paintball that won’t fade any time soon. 

 

Yeah, so.. that hurt. Top that off with the fact that they had just cleaned the water in my hot tub so it was FREEZING cold when I got home to relax, and it turned out to be a great day! I can’t wait to go again! It was a blast!

After breaking my neck in 2002, I was left with some free time. In some of that time, I developed a web-based invoice application for contractors. From concept to functional application took me less than 24 hours. I ended up releasing both a basic and professional version in the next few months, before the “company” was purchased in early 2004. I still get people e-mailing me telling me how much they love the software.

In 2002 I moved to Australia to build a bulk SMS server and web application to manage it all. I was the sole developer, designer and architect. It was sending a few thousand messages per day by the time I left just 2 months later.

I think I’m getting dumber. Let me explain.

When I was younger I was pretty bloody smart. When I was 2, I was taking apart appliances with tools from the garage. When I was 11 I was challenging the math teacher to brainteasers. When I was 16 I was teaching computer science 12. (Well, ok, I wasn’t *teaching* it… but the teacher would literally send anyone with a hard question my way… and he would usually ask me about his own work as well) When I was 18, I was winning debates with psychology majors. The point of all this gloating is this; I think that the fact that I was smarter when I was younger had a lot to do with my mental focus.

When I was a kid, I didn’t really have any friends. Because of that, I didn’t spend a lot of time going to sleepovers, dating girls, playing sports and the rest of the things that the “cool” kids were doing. Instead, I would read and think a lot. The majority of my mental focus was directed at gaining intelligence, and I had very few other things to distract my mind from that focus. However, these days I haven’t felt the same amount of intelligent thought going through my head.

I think that perhaps now that I’m dating a lot, worrying about my car, getting in shape, going to clubs and all these other things that are non intellectual I have lost the mental focus that was previously present on a day to day basis.

Now, I don’t mean that I’m loosing the ability to think. I feel that there are so many little things to think about that I’m not putting any effort into being smart, at least not “smart” as in large-scale thinking.

Wait a minute. That means I’m not getting dumber, I’m just not thinking smart due to so many small issues for my mind to focus on. Well, that’s a relief. :P

I wonder if that is the same for everyone. Your “typical blond” is always deemed as dumb, right? Well, what’s to say that she’s not extremely smart, and is just spreading her mental focus too thin with all her “issues” like what hair spray to use and what she’s going to wear.

Another example is a friend of mine. We’ll call him Bob. Bob is extremely smart. He has done very well for himself and has helped others do the same. He has an incredible business sense and is a born leader. I lent bob my old car one day because his was being used at the moment, and I told him that in order to use it he needed to change the tire. He had no idea how to change a tire. He didn’t even know how to get a tire filled with air. I had to walk him through the process.

Now, to me, that’s pretty stupid. It seems like something that most people know, and if they don’t, it seems relatively simple to figure out. But to bob, it just wasn’t something that he’d ever needed to think about.

Does this mean that it’s not a matter of intelligence, but of priorities? If it does, then that means that almost everyone is capable of intelligent thought if they are just able to control their mental priorities. A blond could have an intelligent debate if she just stopped thinking about that Gucci dress that she’s dying to buy, and Bob could fix a tire if he just took a break from thinking about his latest venture.

To put this into perspective, have you ever been at work or at school and had a ton of tasks thrown your way? Twenty different people ask you to do twenty different things. Unless you have your priorities properly organized, you become scattered and you don’t get much done. You keep getting distracted by all the other tasks assigned to you. However, if you have properly prioritized them, then you are able to manage them one by one with very little distraction. Thought processes seem to work the same way. :)

If what I have come up with is correct, then the issue must not be forming intelligent thoughts, but instead, training your mind to prioritize itself properly. Sounds pretty simple, eh? It’s not. North Americans in general have not been brought up with the knowledge that we control our own minds. I mean, of course we know that they are ours, but not a lot of people actually realize that they are in control. We always just assume that the brain controls us and doesn’t really accept input very well, when in fact; the brain’s primary function is dealing with input.

The hard part is figuring out how to properly input new thinking techniques into our own brain. But if you do manage to figure it out, then you will then be able to be in full control of your own body and mind. Of course, priorities change for everyone.

When I was younger, I really wanted to be smarter than everyone else. I wanted to be able to think people in circles, and stump people who thought that they were smart. Now that I’m older, I’m focusing on my career and my social life. Although my priorities are no longer focused on being smart, that doesn’t mean that my priorities are out of whack. For the typical blond, maybe buying a Gucci dress just might be the most important thing she has to think about. For bob, running a company is a great thing and all the power to him. In order for you to be as productive as you can possibly be, your personal goals must be in sync with your mental focus. Once you have achieved this, you really can do anything you put your mind to.

Think about it. ;)

Jeremy