My Octopress Blog

A blogging framework for hackers.

Dating Tips - Getting Out of Your Own Way

I’m just watching Hitch (for the 5th time) and there was something that I didn’t like about the ending.

Hitch goes through the whole movie teaching guys how to act on a date. What to do, what not to do, how to dress and what situations to put themselves in. He even goes so far as to make Albert get his back waxed. He builds a fairly tidy and successful business out of this, so obviously it’s effective.

Then we get to the end of the movie, where he is talking to Alegra Cole and she starts listing off the things that she found endearing about Albert. The items that she mentions are all things that Hitch would never teach and would definitely consider a no-no. They are the things that made Alegra connect with Albert and that’s what builds a relationship. I believe the quote that bothers me is “Wait, that stuff worked for you?” Hitch then decides that there are no “Basic Principles” of courting and the whole theory seems to be written off. Herein lies the problem.

What Hitch actually did for his clients was the following:

The first thing is that provided them with an opening and created an opportunity for them to have a chance with their love interest. In today’s busy world, it’s often really hard to separate yourself from the masses and get yourself noticed by someone you’re interested in… especially in a big city.

Secondly, and most important, he provided his clients with the feeling that they had an edge. They had a “professional” working to get them the girl. They had an ace in their sleeve and were a step up. This “edge up” allowed them to woo their interest and build a nice relationship.

There was, however, no edge. All they really got was a reason to have the confidence they should have in the first place. The confidence to stand next to the person they like and actually feel like they are allowed to be there. The confidence to engage that person in a conversation and give them the opportunity to get to know each other. The confidence that yes, they actually COULD do this.

Having that confidence in yourself allows the other person to get to know who you are, without your own personal insecurities getting in the way. No matter what you do, the real you is still going to shine through. If not right away, it will at some point in the near future”¦ and no matter what anyone says, it’s not the gloss that people fall in love with.. it’s the little things that make you who you are. And, as I’ve said before, we all have our bad habits and weird idiosyncrasies but along with those come the unique and wonderful things that someone is going to end up loving.

So, with that in mind, here’s to the Hitches in every city. The friends, moments and wing-men that help you get out of your own way and get to know the person you’re interested in.