This is a post that I wrote a while back to one of the Clubvibes members that was having problems with low self esteem. I thought I would post it here for y’all to read.
I used to have the same problem. I was insecure about my looks and body, but no matter how often I was told I was cute, I just couldn’t get over it.
I don’t know exactly how I did get over it, but here are 10 tips off of the top of my head that may be helpful.
1. Focus on your strong points.
If you like something about yourself, give that area more attention than the others. For example; I love my eyes, so when I look in the mirror, I look directly into my eyes first, then I do a comb over of the rest of my body before returning to my eyes. If you like your tummy, then do the same. Try making a mental list of the things you like about your body, no matter how small or insignificant they may be. Then focus on these things, the rest is just insignificant. If you can learn to like yourself for your strong points, then others will find it much easier to do so as well.
2. Do things that you can be proud of.
Accomplish goals, help people feel better about themselves, get good marks on a test. Any of these things will allow you to be more confident about your abilities. If you are sure of yourself, then you will find it much easier to believe that you are attractive. Try making a list of things that you want to get done, and then DO THEM. This will make you feel like you are able to handle things well, and thus creates self-esteem.
3. Don’t look for compliments until you are confident.
When you think you are ugly, and someone tells you different, how often do you change your point of view? My bet is on almost never. If you feel like you have done something well, and someone agrees with you by complimenting you on it, then your feelings were justified. However, if you think that you totally screwed something up, and someone compliments you on it, you will just blow it off as someone trying to be nice. When people believe something they look for examples that make their beliefs true. If you get something that invalidates your beliefs, then you just blow it off. Compliments will do no good until you are confident enough to believe them.
4. Respect yourself.
It’s true. People respect those who respect themselves. Don’t give other people a reason to laugh at you by starting the laughter. If you make fun of yourself, other people will follow suit. If you think you’re ugly, other people will think you’re ugly.
It’s amazing what a simple smile can do to improve someone’s appearance. When you look at yourself in the mirror, don’t frown. By frowning you are automatically putting a depressing tone on the act. If you look at yourself while depressed, you will see nothing but faults. Try smiling when you look at yourself. The good parts of your body will out shine the bad, and your confidence will come through in the image. Remember the saying “Smile and the whole world smiles with you, frown and you frown alone.” As cheesy as it is, it’s somewhat true. If you look happy when speaking to people, they will remember you in a much better light. Just don’t over do it ;)
6. Do things that make you feel attractive.
Go for a run, go workout, get some exercise, or get a manicure. Whatever it takes to make yourself think you are better looking, do it. Even if it doesn’t really make you look any better, as long as it makes you THINK you are better looking it will work to build your self-esteem. Remember, self-esteem means nothing more than how YOU see yourself. It is all in your head.
7. Learn to laugh at yourself.
Lighten up. Things are never as bad as you think they are. Everyone is his or her own worst critic. You will see faults in yourself that other people may never see. There is no need to worry about these things.
8. Be yourself.
Define your own personal style. Take things that you find attractive, and modify them to suit yourself. Different can be beautiful, and as long as you know who you are, you will be able to control your own image for the best. Don’t sit around trying to figure out why you don’t look like Angelina Jolie. She is unique, and that is one of the things that makes her attractive. Yourself will always be the best person you can be. Once you are comfortable with whom you are you will gain confidence.
9. Find the things that you don’t like, and make a plan to change them.
I didn’t like a few things about my personality, so I took steps to change them. I talked to a few people and I got input and suggestions about what I should change and how I should change them. Once you make a few minor changes in your personality, you will realize that you can create your own image with ease.
10. Examine your own actions.
Why do you like the people you do. Is your boyfriend or girlfriend a model? I doubt it. Yet you are still with them. Realizing that everyone has different tastes is a big step in gaining self-esteem. There is always someone out there who is going to like you for who you are, no matter what you’re like. There are many other things that you should be paying attention to. Your body is only one part of a whole. People will like you for your strong points, and the ones who do, will probably ignore your faults, or help you correct them.
Remember, self-esteem means nothing more than how YOU see yourself. It is all in your head. You can have an ugly person with great self-esteem, just as you can have a beautiful person with poor self-esteem.